TOEFL Writing: Avoiding Wordiness
Writing with clarity and precision is crucial for effective communication. By focusing on eliminating redundancy, choosing precise language, avoiding filler words, and simplifying sentence structures, you can significantly enhance the readability and impact of your writing.
Eliminating Redundancy
Redundancy occurs when you repeat information unnecessarily, making your writing longer and less clear. For example, saying "close proximity" is redundant because "proximity" already implies closeness. Learn to spot and eliminate these redundancies to make your writing concise and impactful.
Using precise words avoids redundancy and improves clarity. For instance, "free gift" is redundant since a gift is inherently free. Simply saying "gift" suffices. Similarly, phrases like "circulate around" can be shortened to "circulate."
Common examples of redundancy:
- "End result" – Just say "result."
- "Merge together" – Merging implies togetherness.
- "Basic fundamentals" – Use one or the other.
When writing, focus on the essence of your message. Instead of "The reason for my absence is that I had fallen ill," write "I was absent due to illness." This ensures every word adds value and coherence to your writing.
Look out for wordy phrases. "At this point in time" can be replaced with "now." "Due to the fact that" can be shortened to "because," making sentences more straightforward and easier to read.
Avoid stating the obvious. "He was the first to read the book with his own eyes" can be simplified to "He was the first to read the book."
Ensure your adjectives and descriptive phrases aren't redundant. "A large giant" should just be "a giant," and "a round circle" is simply "a circle."
Use streamlined expressions. Instead of "She is a person who is honest," say "She is honest." Replace "in spite of the fact that" with "although."
When editing, look for phrases that can be trimmed down without losing meaning. "In order to" can be simplified to "to," and "have the ability to" can be replaced with "can."
Avoid filler words and unnecessary connectors. Instead of "Basically, what I mean to say is that we should start early," write "We should start early."
Use active voice where possible. "The decision was made by the committee" can be reduced to "The committee made the decision."
Choosing Precise Language
Choosing precise language helps you communicate your ideas more effectively and ensures your writing is both compelling and clear. Instead of relying on vague terms, opt for specific adjectives, nouns, and verbs. This approach not only conveys your message with greater clarity but also enriches the reader's experience.
For instance, replace "very good" with "excellent." This small change heightens the impact of your statement. Similarly, "big change" can be upgraded to "transformation," providing a clearer picture of the extent and nature of the change.
Consider phrases like "She did a good job." By choosing more precise language, you could say, "She excelled in her role." The latter provides more information about her performance.
To illustrate further, "The project went well" could be made more precise with "The project exceeded expectations." This communicates the exact nature of the success more effectively.
When describing quantities, try to avoid general terms like "a lot" or "many." Instead of "a lot of people attended the event," write "Hundreds of people attended the event." This offers the reader a more tangible sense of the crowd size.
Enhancing descriptive writing:
- Replace "walked slowly" with "strolled" or "crept"
- Instead of "She was very angry," use "She slammed the door in fury"
- Replace "The software had some issues" with "The software encountered multiple bugs"
By choosing specific words, you create vivid imagery, convey stronger emotions, and provide detailed information, enhancing the overall quality of your work.
Eliminating Filler Words and Phrases
Avoiding filler words and phrases in your writing is crucial for maintaining clarity and keeping your reader engaged. Words such as "basically," "actually," "very," and phrases like "in my opinion" often clutter sentences and distract from the central message. By identifying and eliminating these fillers, you can streamline your writing and increase its impact.
| Instead of | Use |
|---|---|
| "Basically, we need to start early" | "We need to start early" |
| "In my opinion, this is the best option" | "This is the best option" |
| "Due to the fact that it's raining, the event is cancelled" | "Because it's raining, the event is cancelled" |
Look for words and phrases that don't contribute to the essential message. Change "In order to complete the task, you need to focus" to "To complete the task, you need to focus."
Another frequent filler is "the fact that." Instead of "I appreciate the fact that you helped me," consider "I appreciate your help."
Phrases like "it is important to note that" often precede information that is clear without the preamble. Rather than saying, "It is important to note that the meeting starts at ten," just say, "The meeting starts at ten."
"Kind of" and "sort of" can dilute your message. "She was upset" is more precise than "She was kind of upset."
Similarly, "in my opinion" and "I think" can usually be omitted. "This is an excellent proposal" conveys confidence in your statement.
In narratives, avoid fillers like "just" and "simply" which often don't add significant meaning. "She walked in" is more concise than "She just walked in."
By actively removing these filler words and phrases, you can make your writing more dynamic and engaging. Your readers will appreciate the directness and clarity, making your message more powerful and effective.
Simplifying Sentence Structures
Long, complex sentences can make your writing difficult to understand. By breaking down convoluted sentences into shorter, clearer ones, you can make your writing more accessible and easier to follow. For example, "I was absent because I was ill" is more direct and comprehensible than "Due to the fact that I had fallen ill, this is the reason for my absence."
Consider another example: "The committee reviewing the grant applications has extended the deadline because of the many submissions." This is simpler and easier to digest than "The committee, which was created to review and evaluate the applications for the grant, has decided to extend the deadline due to the large number of submissions."
Complex sentence structures often obscure the main point. "The organisers expanded the venue due to a significant increase in attendees" keeps the focus on the core information better than a longer, more convoluted version.
When you have multiple thoughts in a single sentence, consider separating them. For example:
Original: "He submitted his proposal, which was thoroughly researched and detailed, and now he is waiting for feedback from the panel, hoping that his hard work will be recognised."
Simplified: "He submitted his thoroughly researched proposal. Now, he is waiting for feedback, hoping his hard work will be recognised."
Use conjunctions to simplify compound sentences. "She enjoyed the book despite its slow start and predictable ending because of its excellent character development" is clearer than a longer version with multiple clauses.
Avoid using multiple subordinate clauses in one sentence as they often create complexity. "He tried to follow the unclear instructions and sought help from colleagues, but he couldn't complete the task on time" is more direct and easier to understand than a version with multiple clauses.
Similarly, sentences with excessive qualifiers can be streamlined. "She was surprised and disappointed to realise her efforts didn't yield successful results" is clear and to the point.
By simplifying sentence structures, you enhance the clarity and readability of your writing. This practice not only makes your writing clearer but also more engaging and effective.
The key takeaway is to strive for concise and clear writing. Every word should add value to your message, making it more engaging and easier for readers to understand.
- Strunk W, White EB. The Elements of Style. 4th ed. New York, NY: Longman; 2000.
- Zinsser W. On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction. 30th anniversary ed. New York, NY: HarperCollins; 2006.
- Williams JM, Bizup J. Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace. 12th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson; 2016.